****Disclaimer: Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents mentioned in this post are either the products of my imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.******
Sarah and Andrew were great friends since their childhood and quite successful in their respective careers. There was nothing romantic between them as Andrew had a steady girlfriend and Sarah always stayed away from intimate relationships. Andrew enjoyed Sarah’s company, and they would often go out for dinner/lunch and movie dates.
Sarah’s company was planning to relocate her to their office in Australia as the Creative Director. She was excited about this offer but was equally anxious about this change. Sarah had never ventured out of her comfort zone (she was from Cincinnati, Ohio) plus she had all her friends and family around her. She was excited to give this news to Andrew at his brother’s wedding. She was looking forward to the wedding, but something unexpected happened – Sarah was smitten by Andrew’s new look and fell in love with him! Andrew decided to change his looks for his brother’s Big day and his new clean-shaven look made him look like a Greek God! Sarah started obsessing about Andrew and wanted to get closer to him.
She was his best friend and wanted to share her feelings with him. She took him out for dinner the next day and shared her feelings for him. She had fallen in love with her best friend. Andrew laughed it off initially but later realized that she was serious. He hugged her and said that he loves her too but like a friend. He said that he may have given it a thought had Jenny not been there but he sees her only as a close friend! Sarah was happy that her friend understood her situation but deep down she felt sad and lonely.
Andrew kept meeting her regularly after that and would message her almost daily to keep a tab on his friend. On the face of it Sarah would show that everything was fine but would keep obsessing about him and often gets jealous upon seeing him with Jenny or any other girl. She could not accept the fact that he had actually rejected her feelings. She felt angry on herself for not making the first move. “I met him before Jenny, so I should have been there with him and not her!” she said to herself. She started getting distracted at work, and it also started affecting her other relationships. She would often be angry and even yell at people. She didn’t know what was happening. She feared about losing Andrew and would often look for opportunities that would allow her to be closer to him. Andrew knew what was happening and chose to be with Sarah. He said he would always be with her no matter what. Sarah started losing her sleep and decided to end her friendship with Andrew. “I cannot see you with Jenny or any other girl Andrew. I love you and before you forget me and give me the pain its best if I stop meeting you. I wish you a lovely life Andy. If you care about me, please do not call me back. I am fine!” she texted him and left for Australia without meeting her best friend.
Why do you think Sarah got so obsessed?
This may have been a result of suppressing her emotions for a long time. It is fine to fall in love with your best friend and yes it is also fine to share your feelings with him/her. She did the right thing by sharing her feelings but was not able to accept the rejection. Many a time our logical brain goes for a toss especially when your emotions get hijacked. When we don’t get the desired object (in this case her friend) we start obsessing about the person at all times. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Sarah needs to dig deeper to find the root cause of this obsession.
Here are some possible reasons for the obsession:
– As a child she may have been ridiculed/rejected by her parents, friends or family. This would have made her feel isolated.
– She may have dealt with a broken relationship in the past (and this could be one reasons why she did not want to get into intimate relationships)
– She may have had insecurity issues
– May have faced situations where people may have not given her the necessary attention
– Transference of her separation anxiety to distract herself from the pain
What could she have done to let go of her obsession?
– Sarah could have connected to her feelings — what made her feel attracted to Andrew — was it romantic, sexual or just a distraction to keep her away from the pain of moving out of her comfort zone?
– She could have gone deeper to understand the reasons behind feeling rejected. Did she face this situation in the past?
– She could have also looked at her broken relationships (if any) – was there something she had to resolve? Was she getting into the similar situation?
– Sarah could have also looked at her own beliefs about relationships and life in general
– Sarah needs to start loving herself to heal the most important relation of her life – her relationship with her own self
– Sarah could have done all of the above by hiring a Life Coach or a Counselor.
– Finally, she could have met Andrew before leaving and could have considered him as her BFF
We all obsess about things and people. Obsession is worse than life time imprisonment because it just makes us feel powerless. We give away our power to that object or person subconsciously. We can get ourselves out of this situation by understanding the message this situation is offering us. There is a reason why we face painful situations in life. We need to decode those messages and move on in life. The only way to do this is to release the obsession and this can be done only by loving ourselves!
Want to know how you can love yourself every day? Are you willing to go deeper in your inner journey? Then Heal Your Life Coaching is your only answer. Reach out to me on +91-97698 69902 or firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s create a plan to transform your life!
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