Finding my IKIGAI!
I have always led my life by what people around me wanted me to do. I had this constant fear of authority – be it my parents, teachers, bosses or any person in an authoritative position. Does that mean they instilled fear in me? No, they didn’t…
I have been an anxious child and always looked for external confirmation as I did not receive any answers from within. I never believed in myself and as such came across as timid and indecisive. I was dependent on others for all decisions that had to be made. I hated myself for being an average student. Most of my friends and family members were intelligent and did well academically! I would often compare myself to others and felt bad about my own limitations.
I became an introvert and started doubting my own abilities. I made a decision at a very early stage in my life that I was NOT OK. I had a fear of failure, fear of being judged or ridiculed and these anxieties or fears are as old as I am.
I could never mix with people, and you would often find me sitting in a corner at most of the parties or family functions. Why would people look up to me or consider me for larger roles when I looked down upon myself.
I often shied away from taking decisions. For instance, after graduation, I had no clue what I wanted to do. There were too many thoughts and anxieties about my future, and I would freeze and keep staring at my father. A 22-year old with no ambition or clarity about his future – I can only imagine the pain my father would have gone through. I was given the opportunity to go to the U.S. for my CPA, and I accepted it without even gauging my capabilities. I FAILED – not once but THRICE!! What a waste!!
2002 was a turning point of my life as I made one of the best decisions of my life by joining CACTUS. But was I able to overcome my anxieties – NOPE? In these last 16 years of my career I did fine but not as great as I should have. I was AVERAGE – why? Because I never gave importance to what I wanted or what I felt like doing! Anxiety took over my ability to think and strategize.
2012 was one of the worst phases of my life (now, I consider it as a blessing in disguise.) and I signed up for counselling sessions with Spring Counselling and Psychotherapy Center. Thus began my journey of self-realization and self-actualization. It took me 6 years to realize (2018) that the only way to transform myself was to befriend my anxiety. This got me closer to my purpose or my IKIGAI and enabled me to make the biggest decision of my life!
My IKIGAI is to transform lives and enable people to identify their true potential. By getting them to connect with their fears I would want them to live a life they have always wished to live. This will heal people as they will eventually overcome their pain and move forward on their purpose in life.
SO WHY DO I EXIST? I am born on this planet to HEAL people and enable them to live a life they deserve, and people only deserve the best! #TransformingLives #HealingPeople #SAMAKSH